Hilariously Embarrassing Two-Handed Statements In My One-Handed World

People say the funniest things. And when you have one hand in a two-handed world certain statements can be funny, weird, and at times lean toward the “not-so-cool.” Blog #24 of “40 Blogs in 40 Days about 40 Podcasts” writes the words of why I believe people say the crazy things they have said to me. For most people it is a simple slip of the tongue. Living mostly in a two-handed world means there are a lot of statements and expressions that are habitually two-handed in nature. Add this to the tendency of the human condition to ask, say, or respond with conditioned phrases and the world can be an extremely funny place.

I find them to be funny 98% of the time. What I find more amusing are how people react to the things they just said once they realize I do not have two hands. Or in most cases when they remember that I do not have two hands. One of the funniest moments regarding these phrases was shared in podcast episode OHSO28. Regardless of when or how it happens I simply love when these statements get spoken and the reactions and the reactions that follow. It is one of the small pleasures of a one-handed life.

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This is the standard look on people’s faces when they realize they made a two-handed reference in AlejAndro’s one-handed world.

There are a few different qualities to these misplaced comments. Almost all of them have no negative overtone. There have been many times in my life when people have referred to my lack of a hand in a very negative way. Once someone I did not even know said a terrible thing to me in front of their friends to make me the object of a joke. However, in most cases these “conditioned two-handed” phrases just come out of habit or by accident.

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The naive honesty of children can have a very uncomfortable response in their parents.

Once when I was at the Oregon Country Fair working at my Didgeridoo teacher, Alan Shockley’s Didgeridoo booth, I was taking with two young kids. The boy was 8 years old and the little girl was about 4 years old. The little girl was the one asking all the questions. Her parents were slightly uncomfortable at first. When the little girl grabbed my small arm said, “your little hand looks like a foot,” I thought her parents were going to faint. Now I got to think fast and work double time to transform this into a positive moment. I need to ease her parents and respond to the girl and do it in a way that helps both of them. I leaned toward the little and said, “Well, that’s because that is my little foot hand.” She got extremely excited and said to her parents, “look mommy! He has a foot for his hand!” We all started to laugh as we enjoyed the rest of our conversation. As the family left and I was waving goodbye to the girl she said quite loudly, “Goodbye Mr. Foot-Hand!” Again I saw that slightly uncomfortably stunned look on all her family’s faces.

The things very young kids say are in a completely different category. They are not old enough to have conditioned responses or phrases that seem to fly out of the mouth as if on autopilot. They say what just seems to be honest to their sensible child logic and in that moment it flies out of their mouth. Such as, “your hand looks like a foot,” or “how did your hand break off?” Usually young child are not so likely to be embarrassed by asking a question or making a statement they think is obvious, honest, or fair. However, we are not talking about kids, we are talking about adults.

Embarrassment, speech, disability, one hand, the wrong worh

“Frozen in a moment of eternity” is what AlejAndro calls the time and feeling stuck in embarrassment at what people have said.

If I had a five-dollar bill for every time I found myself in what I call a “frozen moment of eternity,” I could buy all the tea in China. By this I mean the reaction by most adults who slip, trip, and fall over two-handed habits of conversation. Sometimes I do not even know if there are breathing. Other times I have to go and touch them to ensure to them everything is OK. But most of the time my laughter and light-hearted humor sets their souls as ease.

To listen to my monologue of the funny things people say about my one-handed life I invite you to click on the link and enjoy my One Hand Speaks Storytelling Podcast Episode OHS038. Please feel free to share this blog or my podcast and I ask you to offer a comment with your opinion and feedback! Thanks!

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